


Big Picture

by Satara



Series: Restless Nights [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 10:58:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13006353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satara/pseuds/Satara
Summary: Seven years after Monsta X’s disbandment, Jooheon and Changkyun find themselves on a road trip together.





	Big Picture

1.

The road trip was a mere suggestion, said jokingly to lighten his somber mood in a nerve-wracking day.

 It was that, until it wasn't anymore. Until he is in a desperate need for a getaway and in a car with Changkyun driving through roads without any practical destination in mind.

There is a quietness that settled since they've started their drive, it gives Jooheon a hefty amount of time to think, to think about the countless incomplete songs sitting in his apartment and the hurricane of a mess his life has been this past years. He thinks and thinks and thinks, and he really wants to stop, needs the flow of damning thoughts to be broken. Changkyun is giving him time though, letting him have a whirlwind fight with his demons so he could resign from their grasp and surrender himself to what may come ahead, good or bad, it does not matter.

He looks at Changkyun and wonders why the other is here, of all the people in his life and the people he never thought would stay in it, Changkyun is here, watching quietly the road ahead and giving him time to have a piece of mind.

A bitter sound slips past his lips and Changkyun turns to look at him perplexed and questioning. “You okay?” He asks.

“No, not really.” He smiles bitterly and his grasp tightens on the steering wheel. He expects many things from Changkyun- an understanding hum, false hope-but not a reassuring hand on his thigh, grounding and surprisingly strong.

Their eyes meet for a moment before he has to direct it back to the road, and Jooheon sees it, a glimmer that shines dazzling in Changkyun's eyes. In that moment he is grateful that Changkyun is the person that got to stay.

2.

They don't talk about the disbandment, Jooheon wants them to.

They don't talk about the others, Jooheon wants them to.

They don't talk about the drugs and alcohol, Changkyun wants them to.

They don't talk about many things when they are together, line drawn to keep what little left of themselves standing. He knows it is not ideal, but they are both hurt and broken and opening old wounds would only make the healing process even more painful, but sometimes, sometimes when they are unhinged and together, little things slip away from their unconscious and out in the feverishly stark reality.

It's been a week since they have been on the road, and Jooheon could proudly say he is marginally feeling better, Changkyun too. He is writing again and there are some tunes that keep fleeting through his mind, Changkyun finishes them for him, humming the finished creation almost everywhere: when they are filling gas, at a small diner in the road, at night when they finally reach a hotel to rest in.

They are at a grocery store and the woman at the register keeps giving them looks as Changkyun hums a warningly familiar tune.

And that is what he meant by little things.

Changkyun will sing old familiar songs, because if there is anyone that the disbandment left tattered, it is Changkyun. He worked hard to finally have a place he belonged in, and the disbandment sort of took that away; his safe place amidst cracking grounds.

They left him be, alone and lost as they each grew busy and distant.

Jooheon wished he hadn't at that time.

He regrets many things; hiding away from Changkyun is by far his greatest regret.

3.

_His phone rings, once, twice, and the third time the blaring noise resonate through his void apartment he sends it flying to the wall. It crashes with a harsh thud; the apartment is back to its ghostly silence.  Jooheon looks around him, remembers the flashing caller’s ID and cowers in on himself, hands tugging painful at his hairs, feet trembling and tears flowing uncontrollably from his eyes._

_Kukkungie, it read._

4.

They are passing through a tree filled way, it is breathtaking and he hopes that they don't reach the end of this magnificent road. He sneaks his hand out of the window and the wind grazes his fingertips softly. He feels light, the light breeze taking away his burdens with every touch of skin and Jooheon can finally breathe without the pulsating pain that usually settles in his heart.

“Stop the car,” Changkyun says bringing him out of his daze. “I said stop.” He screams and Jooheon does, ungracefully and dangerously so.

Changkyun hurriedly gets out, leaves the door open behind him and runs. Jooheon panics, unbuckles his seatbelt and runs after him.

The road is empty as he follows after Changkyun, screaming his name until his lungs burn. He keeps on screaming through the hurt in his throat and his heart, and when he finally reaches him, he holds him closely to his chest in a bone bruising grasp, and as Changkyun cries “let me go’s” and tries to wrench away from the arms holding him in place, Jooheon cries too.

He can't let go, he won't let go.

Jooheon is selfish, Changkyun is hurting, and they cry together in the middle of a concrete road in a beautiful sunny day.

5.

“It was a dream,” Changkyun explains when they return back to the car, that surprisingly hasn't been stolen during the long while they left it at the side of the road. “I jumped into cold waters and I felt peaceful drowning,” Changkyun looks up from his clenched hands, Jooheon holds his breath and waits until the younger finishes his dream telling. “Then I saw you in the water, sinking deeper and deeper into darkness and the peace all but abandoned me.” A small tear drops from Changkyun's watery eyes, Jooheon brings a thumb and wipes it away. “You were fighting to reach the surface but the water was holding you down. I wanted you out, but to do that I had to bring us both to the surface. I couldn't.” Changkyun says, tears flowing from still puffy eyes.

Jooheon cradles Changkyun’s cheeks in his palms, “I understand,” he says bringing their foreheads together. Dreams are a cruel reminder of what rests in the darkest recesses of our minds, Changkyun's need to run away in his half-wake state from something seemingly real is quite reasonable, so he understands.

“Can we stop driving for a while? I don't think I'm ready yet,”

“Sure,” Jooheon nods his head and he is about to retreat to his seat when Changkyun holds his wrist tightly. “And stay like this,” he says locking their foreheads again, nose bumping and lips mere inches away.

“Okay.”

6.

They rent a cabin when they reach a small town they never heard the name of, they are still surrounded by trees and he is a bit glad that they are. Changkyun is still lost in his thoughts mindless to his surroundings, after a shower Jooheon busies himself with dinner while Changkyun takes his turn showering.

Their dinner consists of burned eggs and ramen, Changkyun had smiled when he ran to salvage their fried eggs, hair damp from the shower and bare feet padding hurriedly to the stove.

“It's beautiful,” Changkyun says through a bite. Jooheon looks questioningly at him and Changkyun points to the stars shining up ahead.

It is indeed beautiful.

Sometimes, or in his case most of the time he tends to forget that he is still living in a world that isn't only sorrow and longing, a world where flowers bloom and stars shine, a world where they are still together and holding into this nonexistent line like it is their only lifeline with beauty surrounding them and salvaging them.

He looks at Changkyun and he still sees glittering eyes, and as long as that glimmer stays Jooheon will keep on believing that there is beauty in this world.

7.

They go on a picnic the next day, Changkyun laughing at his miserable attempt at navigating through the woods and Jooheon feigning hurt at Changkyun's teasing. They find a clearing and they settle their, Jooheon leaning on a tree with his notebook and Changkyun dozing on his lap.

Jooheon writes, he writes about faded dreams and lost selves, about soft breezes and dancing leaves, about glistening eyes and warm hands but mostly he writes about newly formed hopes.


End file.
